This Time Alone

In my room alone
I talk to myself
So the walls do not melt
in a vast void.
Life has struck a chord
and every note
is a feeling I have felt.
In my room alone
I write stories on the walls
about endless halls.
Life’s endless choices
and the pages of remorses
that I flipped through
while reading of happenings.
Things are wrapping up
into a present.
I could look pass the past
if I didn’t have such resentment.
So I sit in my room.
Forget the death and gloom
that revolves around it all.
Call it meditation
or isolation
it’s all probably the same.
Pacing through the day.
Racing through May
I would stop to smell flowers
if this outside
didn’t feel like a play.
All the hours
that we gave away
would be better spent alone.
Alone.
Alone.
Always on my own.
Tell me
the beauty of this world
when there’s a room
for me alone
to keep away from it all.
Alone.
Alone.
Always on my own.
Convince me of this world outside
when I was happiest
in a room of my own.
Alone.
Alone.
Always on my own.
Tell of life’s beauty
when outside
there is no beauty
that I have not known.

Development of Value

Why are you so
willing to tell
of previous conquests
from other lives?
As a lady
a waitress
a stripper
a whore
for the orders of others.
Don’t tell me of other conquerors
that have explored your shores.
What should I know this for?
Of what use is it me
to know hidden reality?
So long as I’ve lived in fantasy.
One so pleasing.
Speak easy.
Speak quick.
Though best is no words at all from you.
So innocent beauty
is not torn asunder
and skewed.

Time Is a Liar

If there were time
I’d wait for ideas
to gradually become cares
from fears, tears, and years
of deeds and words.
Now I’ve waited before
this fact must be told.
While young I grew old,
became lead from gold,
having my soul sold,
to a devil for a taste.
I understand how deep
this seems to be.
Let’s speak of fantasy
perhaps becoming reality.
Life between you and me.
Let’s talk of this.
I felt a feeling
best likened to salvation
the cut and castration
manhood gone in a laceration
then a revelation.
This is losing love.
Silvers. I have smoked silvers
that curled and landed heavy
in a pose so sexy.
Then others like me
come to make a bevy
comforting each other.
Don’t do it I literally said
then gave into heat
and she, being a vegetarian,
hungrily devoured meat
and this help me know
she was a hypocrite.
I become confused lately.
I often call others dishonest.
I rarely speak to be modest.
But ma’am I am in bondage
torn by chains and steel.
Who will tell my story if not me?
Who will pay me homage?
I forgot my memory.
I forgot what it means to remember.
I forgot the warmth of December.
I forgot the pain of being limber.
I forgot what’s needed to make life glimmer.
I forgot how my soul feels when love simmers.
But I swear, I never forgot you.
I swear I tried. I wanted to. But I never forgot you.
Time will be born.
Coo, nurse, cry, and feed.
Stop, begin to continue.
Grow, learn, leave, and hate.
Grow, learn, leave, and hate
then be forgotten in itself.

My Daisy

I mull through cold rain.
Dreaming of you once again.
If this anesthesia does not dilute pain
then love has failed.
Quietly there are babbling whisperings
and if you are carefully listening
you’ll hear novelty washing off.
The sad thing is how beauty
is drown out if you listen too long.
Words bridge classes
but it shan’t last
though I could be wrong.
I spoke to you in suffocating solitude
your words shallow
as if they always had been.
But surely this was not the case.
I remember your beautiful face
and my memory serves me well.
There were evaporating street corners
drying sights dampened by salty shots
greenish blue rooms the colour of seaweed
where parties were held.
But you stood out there.
A mermaid whose beauty was clear
with a song I cannot remember.
There were receding mumblings from you
keeping confidence afloat
afraid to be judged at what you said.
These treading words.
I could not hear.
But I would have loved you still.
Despite things done, things did, or songs sung.
Scaling rung after rung.
In times abstract and absurd
it was your song I wish I had heard.
Cascading thoughts with atomic battles fought
for you, my love, and like a dove
so white, so pure with no cure.
You and I are our only kind.
This is so.
Others do not have
a rainbow as we do.
I loved swimming on your shores
forgetting about the waves of sound.
The ripples on your physical surface
I have seen through your carapace.
And yet I still love you miss.
So no words are needed.
And when you age
your worries will not matter so
I will still speak of your grace.
This you must always know.
Like those who fall out of love
when beauty is gone
we shall not.
For your beauty shall live forever on.
Must I speak more
of what I’ve spoken of.
You are my mermaid, my love.
A mermaid, my love.
And I do not think you shall sing to me.