My Pen is Losing Innocence

I want to be held tightly
pet my back lovingly
then slowly.
My blood pressure rising
like a heart attack
because you were my first love
before I knew the damp warmth
of dark places of many more.
Before I was deflowered
many times
by many whores.
In youth, mothers and others
spoke of us hesitantly.
Now hidden away.
Sin forced upon me.
Please comfort me.
Hold my head loosely
tracing fingers down
until I arch quickly.
Let this moment in darkness
sweep over us dreamingly
and after
let us sleep
with me in your arms.
Oh I never cared what others said
for they did not know this.
Now since we have found others
I only reminisce.
How our time together made your skin hard
yet made me harder and drained after.
If you tell others
you will hear laughter.
If you tell others
you will hear scorn
judgement at sin.
But let’s forget it all.
Hold me once again.
Hold me through it all.
The sounds of those outside,
the fear of being caught,
being seen by all.
Continue to hold me.
Exhibit bravery.
Hold me. Caress me.
No one shall come
but me.
I will change for anyone
but I want that change to only come for you.
You were my first, constant love.
And you were afraid that everyone knew.