Crystal Love

I believe in a heaven
existing between clear thighs
or in golden brown eyes
disguised as worldly things
to be despised 
when they are the desires 
some will expire to possess.
Am I wrong? 
Others know a hell
while hiding in silence
made from darkness and emptiness
after a crispness
that that experience each morning since…
Doing ‘this’ for reasons
that others won’t allow to be present
due to their virtuous ignorance.
Are they wrong? 
There is no sanctum. 
No righteousness
but the one
we created after being magnets
for millions of atoms
to collide in a way
that we pretend makes sense.
We balance on delicate string
knowing anything
could break them.
We are going 
to the heaven and hell
we were sentenced to.
There is chance for innocence. 
Not when secular ‘gods’ rule

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Dichotomies of Fantasies (Conflicts of Religion)

I kept a soft spoken
joking
counter to the place
while 2nd hand drugs and drinks
are shoved into my face.
A carbon jail
in each case,
no fault in grey matters.
But who we were
and who we are
never equal after.
Relationships are sinking ships
like an albatross
is the cross
that is choking me.
That’s not my fault.
Despite what
faith justifies
“life” ain’t reality
“Truth” is testimony
with innocence and accidents
as lies we’re always seeing.
Youths on the right track
will still drown in love
if they only know being.
But imma let streetcars pass
as my desire for that below Georgia
puts me on blast
about relationships
with no chance to last
cause I judge people
with values that I never even had.
Sometimes we remember things
thinking we hear angels sing
with sounds just like
how demons scream…
We believe
we are who we say we are
which still places us
closer to the evil
that we say we aren’t.

October 31st, 2012

With no faith in gaudy demonstrations,
pleasant sounds of exhalation
that took shape with the environment
gave way to contentious thoughts.
I hate things so pretentious.
Reality competing with fantasy.
Pleasantries only when it’s easy.
How could this be
what you claim?
Have you no shame
using immodest words?
We fell into this
when it meant something
on the lips of parents.
We thought we knew the meaning.
A word so close to hate
that they become the same.

Naomi (From Steve for Valentine’s Day)

You sing the syllables of each word 
as you talk.
Those blonde threads that if you had let grow
would have been taller than you.
Green eyes with shards of blue.
As if I could see the electricity of your soul in them.
Sometimes, if I mention your height
or rub your small belly as if you’re nursing a child,
you’ll blush, shout, and push me away.
Remember our first time?
In my parent’s basement on the black leather couch
with cheap softcore porn playing.
Embarrassed, you told me to turn it off
then we proceeded in silence.
As I first tried to enter you
you yelped and punched me in the sternum.
I gasped for breath, pulled back, glared at you.
You awkwardly apologised. Convinced me to continue.
This time I fit, somehow
cause heaven knows you were tighter
than the space between our lips as I kissed you to muffle your moans. 
You shook your head causing your hair to scatter on your face.
Then you grabbed my neck and pulled me close.
You scratched at my back, 
reaching for a reality that you were losing to your oncoming orgasm.
In the silence there was heavy breathing, pleading,
and a sloshing sound from how wet you were. 
As you came closer and closer you covered your face with your hands.
Bit your lower lips, turned red, and came. 
I felt it. Like a balloon that burst after so much.
The warm, moisture tightening around me.
I heard a sobbing.
I moved your hands and kissed your tears.
You pulled your face to my chest
and just breathed…..
Nowadays when we make love you still cry. 
But when we fuck…
You wear the shortest skirts.
The tightest shirts.
You bite, claw, pull like an animal.
You beg for marks and bruises.
But with one line
I see your human side.
“Fuck me harder and make me know you love me.”

Life in Sin

You say this is the happiest you’ve been
Is it worth living in sin?
To keep lying?
I myself am conniving.
Lust is the force that keep driving
stringing us along.
I wish we never tried to move on
More so never went along.
With the lies we were telling
Tired of my soul I was selling.
When I try to say what’s true
Everyone believes in you
What is there for me
when honesty isn’t the best policy?
I’m getting too old
for this back and forth play.
I actually remember the day
When you left it was a shame,
couldn’t ever remember my name
I swore I wouldn’t be the same,
Never fall in love again
Then things changed
Lufe has been strange
I’ve been thinking
How we fall in relationships
in love with them
Willing to make mistakes again
Lying about living in sin
If only to continue in them
If you don’t believe in God
It’s easier to continue a facade
We want to protect our place
You’ll lie to his face
Decide relationships by race
I must face it 
we were complacent
We could taste it
on our lips 
We could not continue like this
At least I couldn’t
I told you you shouldn’t.
Right the wrongs
Against those you loved
There’s blood in my mouth
Though I never bit my tongue. 
Your speech suggests
Your love is a leech
draining all of that blood
flowing in your heart
It shouldn’t be startling news
that you abused trust
for lust
This is what selfish love
does to us. 

Backseat Ride

After our argument,
asleep in the back seat.
Thumb in your mouth,
as if on your mother’s teat.
In my rear view.
Our words and your.
I swear I’d never help.
Yet I always do.
I want to be else where.
Yet here I again sit.
Life is too fleeting
to continue with this shit.
I am too tired
to drive too far
so we have stopped,
stranded where we are.
If I try to explain
that somehow we can’t grow
the pain in my stomach
would let me know,
you’re my responsibility
as I am yours.
No matter how we fall
we’ve become each other’s floors.
Turn signal resounding
as if announcing
that this would all turn around.
With sobs
or a coo
I’m being introduced
to a new you.
Please stay asleep.
My eyes straight ahead
despite the high beams
on the back of my head.
I fear how much trust
you have invested.
Though it was terrifying.
I confessed it.
I have a persona
of almost indifference.
Despite the fights
we have a resilience.
It’s a sorrowful thing
to cling to this sort
of strange relationship
with all the scars
from battles fought.